A Vintage Christmas Swap...

I have heard so much about swaps: People are swapping ATC's (Artist Trading Cards), quilt blocks, dollhouse furniture and miniatures, etc., etc. Finally, I found a swap for me!

Yes, it's a VINTAGE CHRISTMAS SWAP!!! Find out all about this swap which is being organized by Tanya at "Prints Charming". There are also lots of great vintage sites listed on this link (other participants in the Vintage Christmas swap).

Won't you join me? I'm so excited...I'm off to brainstorm ideas!

A Christmas Crafty (or 2)...

Have I mentioned yet how excited I am for Christmas? I'm working on a vintage-inspired Chrismtas mobile. These little retro colored Christmas balls will go around the top of the mobile (sort of like a pretty umbrella top) and the tiny Santa, reindeer and presents will float underneath. I'm having such a hard time deciding on a Christmas color theme this year...on the one hand, I'm really leaning toward the traditional red, white and green; using vintage decorations as much as possible. On the other hand, a Christmas of robin's egg blue, silver, bright pink and white is quite tempting as well! I would love to do the whole house up in similar colors, but because of the cool/warm room colors (I know I've mentioned this in a previous post!) I'm struggling. Any thoughts on this?

Fa-la-la...how many days left?

New Art, Bad Photo...

This is a little mixed media piece I have been working on for awhile. I wish the picture would have come out better. If you can't read it, the words in the woman's belly are: Sadness, Fear, Anger and Guilt and the words running down the side (on top of the black) read: Eating Your Words. I wanted to do something like this because it's how I feel about negative feelings. I know I'm not the only one who finds it hard to express my feelings, especially the "less ladylike" ones. Expressing myself, making requests; hard things to do~but essential.



I also found another plus-sized magazine (Figure), this one in real-honest-to-goodness print. There is something very satisfying about holding a glossy magazine in your hands and flipping through the pages then storing them carefully and looking at them again and again. I absolutely, positively HATE crinkled/bent/mangled/torn magazines. Even if my favorite magazine was the last on the shelf, I would have to leave it there if it was in poor condition. I don't know what this "issue" is called (no pun intended!) but whatever it is, I have it!

Love Thy AmaZing Self...

I have had the gimmee's lately. I want new clothes, a new car, new improvements to our house, new trips to plan for...I often feel like I'm falling behind; money-wise, house-wise, career-wise and even body-wise.

In fact, there has been a lot of negative chatter going on inside lately and I don't like it one bit! I've sworn off fashion magazines ages ago but I miss the "eye candy" factor (Seeing all those beautiuful clothes! Fabrics! Shoes!) and the ideas that generate while reading fashion magazines. No, I will never spend the outrageous asking price on certain name brand items of clothing, but I love to look at the pictures and then take the ideas into my own closet and see what I can come up with.

I used to read a plus-sized magazine called "Mode", and LOVED it, but sadly they went under. Today I was so pleased to find an emagazine dedicated to REAL sized women. AmaZe Plus Magazine is just what I was looking for! (For those of you thin readers, this magazine is really about loving yourself, no matter what size, so don't feel excluded!)

Along with renewing my dedication to fun and frolic (as seen in previous post), I'm renewing my dedication to feeling good about myself. I think really, that they are one and the same. How can I love other people and make them feel good (which I really, really love to do) if I don't feel good about myself and take care of me, inside and out?

Home Caring, Cake(s) and The Christmas Itch...

Home caring: To care for one's dwelling and the individuals therin. Ok, it's not a real definition, and maybe not a real combination of words, but I for one think it should be.

I have a long weekend and promised myself I wouldn't do a THING I didn't want to. No scheduling anything. No rushing from one appointment or task to the next. No feeling guilty every time I want to sit and just enjoy things a little bit. Have I stuck to my guns? Well....I did do some things that I really didn't want to do (but feel a whole lot better having finished them up). I rested a little (Mary E.'s new Home Companion for December/January is a DREAM~especially when enjoyed with 3 plump pets and a hot mug of Chai Latte). I cleaned the house a bit. I baked a cake (or two). Overall, I think I've done well. Some times when I have a day off, I need to just rest, vegitate, be a sloth. Other times, like yesterday and today, I feel much better tackling things I've been putting off.

I'm amazed at how hard the Christmas bug has bitten! For the past few years I haven't felt all that Christmasy. I felt sort of numb to it all, a little immune from the fa-la-la'ing and presents and decorating. But this year, I'm really, truly excited for the Chrstmas season. I've been pouring over magazines and thinking about my vintage Christmas ideas for this year. I have a beautiful silver Christmas tree from that my in-laws gave me two birthdays ago. Last year was the first time I used it. I wish I had some pictures to show you! I love the whole vintage-Christmas look, especially the pure white with touches of robin's egg blue, bright pink and retro green. Somehow though, the tree didn't look right to me in my butter-yellow living room. I think it's too much of a contrast. The living room is really warm and the tree and decorations are very cool. My plan this year is to put the tree in our bedroom which is an icy blue, and a real tree in the living room; even if it's just a small one.

Today I'm working on a Christmas paper mobile. I found a vintage pattern for it online. I can post the link if anyone is interested (I'll have to look it up again, I just printed and took off!). I'm really excited to see how it turns out...I'll show you my results, good or bad.

PS These are Nutmeg Feather cakes. I love to bake cakes. I want to make one with the big, fluffy, white 7-minute frosting, but am not sure who else I can pawn a cake (or 2) off on!

"Martha, Martha, Martha!"

I have a new obsession...and like most of my interests or ideas, it's something that's been around for a llllooooooonnnnggg time, only I'm just now getting into it. Somehow I always seem the miss the boat with things. It was years after Rachel Ashwell unveiled Shabby Chic that I FINALLY got into it. Well, that is an understatement. I was soon completely obsessed with it. "That's SO Shabby Chic!" "Is this Shabby Chic enough?" "This definitely Shabby Chic, don't you think?". Yes, well. My husband even knows what is and isn't Shabby Chic. We will be walking through a flea market and my husband will grab my arm whispering quietly in my ear (lest anyone else with a Shabby Chic bent is in the area) "Shabby Chic cup & saucer on the table to your right."

Anyway, Shabby Chic is still completely marvelous in my mind, but my new fascination is with Martha Stewart. I know, could I be any more behind the times?


It might be due to this book which I picked up at the library last week(and which is also on sale at Amazon and other fine booksellers). As you know, I'll always be an entrepenuer at heart. So, even though I've sworn off business books of all kinds, I thought maybe, just maybe I could gain a bit of wisdom here. It's really interesting! I re-discovered Martha Stewart Living magazine and really like it! I love her style: Sort of a modern traditional, though that sounds weird. It's clean, simple (which is the hallmark of modern) but old fashioned at the same time. Now I'm taping her show while I'm at work, adding other books of hers to my Amazon wishlist...now, I don't know that I would ever choose Martha Stewart Living over say, Country Living (I do like a little bit of fluff and "extras", especially vintage pieces that give warmth), but I am at a place where I'm beginning to understand or re-discover "Less is More".

Halloween Horrors...

Oh, I can't believe it's over already~This year Halloween came so quickly I never had a chance to get tired of the 4,500 showings of "Halloween" (1-8?) we normally watch, or decorations, or seeing all the store costumes reduced from 50,000 choices down to "witch" or "dracula". I never even had a chance to get tired of my husband's costume (can you guess?) Michael Myers from the above mentioned "Halloween" movies. It was a whirlwind of spooky decorations, candy, a few drinks, a party and hours spent putting together my "Woodland Fairy" costume, which I don't have pictures of because I left my camera's memory card at home! However, my sister-in-law's finace did get some good pictures which I'll try to remember to ask him for.



Every year I scour, inhale, pour over the home decorating magazines at Halloween (and Christmas, of course!). And every year I have the burning desire to have this huge HUGE Halloween party complete with apple bobbing, carmel popcorn balls, spooky music, lavish decorations and a pot of of cider complete with the smoke or fog that dry ice creates. Everyone would be required to come in costume, of course. Did any of you see the ME Home Companion for October? That is the kind of party I want to throw. Maybe next year...and you're all invited, of course!

Every Little Bit Will Help...

Please, please, please~If you love animals and want to help save sweet, innocent, adorable and helpless seals~please check out this link on the Humane Society of the United States website and sign this pledge to stop eating Canadian seafood until these cruel seal hunts are ended!
Protect Seals

This sort of stuff just breaks my heart over and over again. Who could kill something so helpless? I will be so grateful if you take just a minute to sign this pledge and make the decision to boycott the Canadian seafood companies.

THANK YOU ALL!

A New Old Thing...

Today was the day~We went to pick up my new-to-me piano from my oldest sister's house. She lives about 2 & 1/2 hours from us. It was quite a process! I hired a piano mover there to help us get this six-hundred pound beauty onto our truck and another mover here at home to help us get her into the house. I don't know why, but I'm sure it's a her. Isn't she lovely?

I had to get her all dusted and find a pretty scarf right away. She's a bit larger than I was thinking (somehow in my mind I have a way of making everything fit just the way I want it...but in reality it doesn't always work that way!). Luckily the spot I had picked out does work well. There are a few sticky keys which I'm worried about and she needs to be tuned, but overall not bad for about $150.00 moving costs (that even included our gas!).

I've always wanted to learn to play piano, but not badly enough to learn! My mother tried to teach me a bit when I was little...I remember the masking tape "cues" on the keys to help me remember what notes went with which letter. I decided in the 4th grade that the flute was the most beautiful instrument in the world (other than the harp which still remains, in my mind, the most romantic and beatiful looking of all the instruments). But there were no harp players in the elementary school band so I went with the flute.

It's strange how quickly I've forgotten notes and music reading. I began my first ever official piano lessons about 3 weeks ago and really am enjoying it so far. I like how I have to completely concentrate. It's absorbing and I don't have time to worry about things, or think too much. It takes all my effort to focus on what I'm doing.

I love thinking about who owned this piano before me. (Well, I mean before my sister). She got it from an older man who no longer wanted it...but it was built in the early 1900's...who played it all those years? Where has it been?

This scrolling on the front is one of the things I fell in love with first...it's so delicate and unnecessary; that's why I think I love it the most. It's just for prettiness.

A Renewed Commitment to Fun & Frolic

Last night was our monthly Soup Night. I had so much fun, as always. Between the all the stories and laughter and snorting into my water glass while attempting a hiccup remedy that my husband was trying to teach me (involving pressing a butter knife against my forehead while simultaneously drinking), I realized (again) how much fun it is to just enjoy simple things like a meal with friends. Fun, frolic and being completely caught up in the moment is something I want to add to my life. I tend to be introverted and know that I dwell too much on the sadnesses and worries of the world (my own, and the world at large). I want to be more carefree! I want to have fun! I want to do silly things and be impulsive and remember that living isn't all about being super-responsible and that the world will not fall apart if I let my hair down and have a good time. Everything doesn't always have to be perfect~I don't have to try to be perfect!

Basking in the after-glow of a wonderful evening, I feel like more is possible. I want to be more on top of my blog for one thing. I LOVE reading other people's posts and seeing their beautiful photography...it's such a great way to connect with others who have similar interests. For instance, Deb's blog is incredibly fun to poke around in...what a creative girl! I've found all sorts of other great sites through hers. Then, there are two blogs I know I've mentioned before, but they are just so wonderful! The first is Alicia's blog it is WONDERFUL! I check it out every other day or so...it's like an online magazine and her style and ideas are so inspiring. And of course, one of the first blogs I ever happened upon, Alison's blog is like a vintage handbook...I love the way that Alison writes...completely real and true and poetically beautiful...Plus she is always on top of gorgeous little goodies near and far. By the way, if anyone can share with me how to add links to other people's pages on my blog, I would be grateful...I can't seem to sort it out!

Anyway, I digress. In addition to being more up-to-date on my blog, I want to be more up-to-date in my life! I want to take time for the simple pleasures that I miss half the time because I'm rushing from one task to another, if not in real-time than in my mind. I want to quiet my mind more. I want to take time to enjoy those moments that make you realize how alive you are.

Ahhhh, Gee~And New Bags...

Ahhh, gee. I just got word that I wasn't selected for "That's Clever!". Drat. I was so hoping...anyway, I'm happy that they are coming to Vermont and can't wait to see the shows which feature artists from this area. Congrats to you all! I think it's wonderful and I hope someday they will come here to film again.



In the meantime...I've re-discovered my creative spark (thank God!). Here are some photos of my newest bags. I love the messenger style bags...they are SO comfortable! AND they are perfectly sized...not too big, not to small...(as our little tow-headed friend would say) they're juuuuust right! Plus they will be fun to alter, once I get the making of them down pat.

Dreaming of "That's Clever!"...

Oh my. I can't believe it's true~one of my all time favorite shows on HGTV is coming to Vermont to tape! "That's Clever!" will be here the last week of October and first week of November. How exciting!

I saw the ad in the local paper and had to submit my application. The woman who walked me through the process was so kind and helpful. She said there MAY be a spot or two left and that a decision should be made by the end of the week. Oh my. Can you imagine? Anyone in my family could tell you that this is my childhood dream. I used to make up commercials, taglines, talk shows, etc. My sister, Aimee and I spent HOURS taping "shows" and radio jingles onto tapes (that would be audio tapes...way before VCR's ever came out!). I remember clearly going to the gorgeous Boston Aquarium and my favorite part of the AQUARIUM was an area where they had a video camera and a screen and you could watch yourself doing the evening news. I love this stuff! I've secretly always dreamed of having my own little craft/art show on the local cable network.

Well, I hestitated to post that I was applying on here. I mean, now if I don't make it I will feel so bad that I got your hopes up! But, I suppose it's more important for me to share this excitement than worry about that. Sorry, hope that doesn't seem too selfish...
These photos are some of the projects I submitted. My "theme" was mixed media purses/wall art. I wish I had better things to submit, but everything happened so quickly!

If I make it onto the show, I bet you will all hear my screams of glee from wherever you are in the country.

If you wanted to say a little prayer or cross your fingers, I wouldn't mind a bit...

A Chill in the Air...

There is a chill in the air...it raises the hair on my arms and creeps down my boots and up into my jacket. I had to scrape my car for the first time this fall just last Friday. Part of me loves it, part of me loathes it. Fall is so unreal to me...I still don't really get how the leaves turn those incredible colors. Pumpkin orange, flaming red, sunlight yellow...how does it all work?

Fall is one of my favorite seasons (spring the other). I love the crispness in the air, the smell of leaves that have turned color, the feeling of warm sun saturating already cold bones. I love snuggling in front of the fireplace and sipping hot cocoa and reading. I love hot baths and settling into the warm burrow of flannel sheets and quilts and bedding.




Halloween is nearly here and since I've been together with my husband (8 years this fall), I have a new appreciation for the spooky and magical feeling that Halloween brings. We have the front porch decorated to the hilt (literally, I can see it glowing orange 4 houses down the street when I get home from work); complete with pumpkin lights, black, flying, scary creatures whose eyes light up red, a strobe light, spider lights...the list goes on. I don't really decorate inside anymore for Halloween, except for this explosion of ribbon and vintage cards I put together today. This ancient metal piece is a pot rack but I adore it over the kitchen table.

Pretty House on the Prairie...

You know those people who just have great taste? But not just the "Oh, it's expensive" kind of taste...in my opinion anyone with money should be able to have a nice house. I mean the people who really know how to put things together, how to place things just so, how to create a collection without it looking like a big, well, collection. People who decorate on a shoestring but who's homes look like a million bucks?

My sisters are all those kind of people. My two oldest sisters are into the shabby/vintage/cottage style of decorating and there is something about their homes that is so comforting. When I walk into either house I feel like its arms are reaching out and pulling me in for a warm hug. My third sister's house is completely Zen and when I walk into her home my shoulders relax and my breathing slows down. I love the terra cotta walls and the beautiful candles she lights.

My own house feels like it's in transition. First, I was completely into Asian inspired decorating and my own house had sort of a Zen quality to it. But then I found Shabby Chic and traded in my red pillows and water fountains for pretty doilies and neutral palletes. Now I'm...I don't know! I can't really classify what my decorating style is. Wabi Sabi, I guess.

When I was at Celeste's house this weekend, I thought about some of my favorite things there. I took some photos while dinner was being prepared...

Big, Huge, Tiny Dollhouse...

Aren't dollhouses supposed to be sort of sweet and small, something you can put tiny little miniature furnishings in?

This is my dollhouse:
















If you can't tell from the picture, it's quite...large. I would guess it measures nearly 3' across by 2.5' tall, though I don't think I've ever really measured it.

I have a love/hate relationship with this house. I bought it nearly 4 years ago and at the time two of my older sisters were into dollhouses. I'd always wanted one when I was little. My parents actually bought me my "dream" dollhouse, it was pink and had white gingerbread trim...unfortunately, that' s what it looked like on the outside of the box and it was so complicated and there were so many pieces and parts and complicated directions that we never actually got it set up. I think we put up two or three walls...

Anyway, I thought it would be fun to have another house to decorate. This one could be so much more manageable! Everything in doll-land would be orderly and neat, no crumbs on the counter, no laundry, no dirty dishes. BUT as you can see, 4 years after purchasing, I haven't done a lot of, (ahem) improvements around the place. I did paint nearly all the outside. It's butter yellow (actually the same paint left over from the living room!) with black trim. That is my favorite color combination for the exterior of my dream house. The inside is just so wide open, there are hardly any walls so it makes the creation of rooms pretty hard. This actually is quite a lot like my real-life house. There are hardly any walls on the bottom floor so when you walk into the front door there is the living room and you can see all the way to the other end of the house to the landry room! It makes decorating a bit of a trick because everything has to "flow" much better than if there were seperate walls to keep things more, well, seperate!

Anyway, I have no idea what scale this dollhouse is (other than "very large") so I never dare to buy very much furniture for it. I actually don't like most of the furniture in there now, but it came with the house so I've kept it. I really hate the fabric/style of the canopy bed. Icky.

Here is a little hutch that I also don't really like, but I LOVE all my miniature food! Check out the tiny jar of canned peaches! The lettuce I made from polymer clay and the cans are a mishmash of canned veggies and dog food. They often fall off the cabinet and roll all throughout the house.

Somewhere I have a tiny little mouse and I have a miniature sewing set with tiny bobbins of thread, dress patterns and a pin cushion complete with pins.

I am working on painting some furniture this weekend. If you are into dollhouses at all, (or even if you aren't) you may get a kick out of this site: http://hauntednminiature.blogspot.com/
It's a HAUNTED dollhouse, all ready for halloween~Fun!

The Thing About Being Sick...

I don't feel good. Yesterday morning I had some very, let's say, yucky symptoms and have been down for the count since. I didn't go to work yesterday. I debated whether or not I should suck it up and try to make it in, but in the end my tummy won and I stayed home. It was very strange being home in the middle of the week. Strange and wonderful. I only wish that the weather hadn't been so nice and sunny and warm. I don't like being sick. I especially don't like to be sick when the weather is so freaking nice. It's hard to curl up and really concentrate on my sickness with the soft, warm breeze playing with the curtains..hard to really focus on the "ugh" factor when the sun is shining so brightly and it seems like everyone in the whole neighborhood (doesn't anyone work around here?) is outside doing home improvement projects or taking slow afternoon strolls around town.

Luckily for me, Fat Boy (as seen to the left) seemed to sense how icky I was feeling. He followed me around from kitchen to living room to bedroom and slept next to me, all curled up near my side while I napped. This is rare for him. Spazzi, his sister is constantly after us to pet her, play with her, curl up on us, etc., but Fat Boy is not really too interested in what we are doing, unless we are eating fish. Then he loves us.

I know I was only alone for the day, but it felt really, really good to have him just, CARE about me. I remember when I was younger and lived alone out of state, completely away from my family or anyone that I knew really, I came down with this flu and I just thought how sad it was, how completely and utterly sad that there wasn't anyone who would check my fever or go and get me cough medicine. I lay in my bed with a fever and thought about the safety of trying to drive to the store for medicine. I felt utterly, completely alone.

Yesterday, I was thinking (in my morbid, overly obsessive worrisome way) what if I just died? I mean, I don't think I'm THAT sick, but who knows? Especially after hearing all the warnings about spinach and e coli...I mean SPINACH? Who knew that something that is supposed to be so healthy and wonderfully full of vitamins and nutrients could make anyone so sick? It really got me worried. I mean, I worry CONSTANTLY, but this was a new and bigger worry to worry about. Who really knows? Not likely, but still.

So, anyway one great thing that came out of my being sick was that for the whole day yesterday I felt free. I didn't have one pressing thing, not one expectation on me. I can't clean the house, I'm sick. No doing laundry. No trying to create anything. No accomplishing anything at all. I laid in bed after my mid-morning nap and stared out my window at the tree outside that is just beginning to turn. I spent some time focusing on how blue the sky was and how soft the clouds looked up there, suspended over us like white scarves strewn about. It was kinda nice. But I'm glad I'm getting better (I hope).

1 Down, 483 to Go...

Do you ever imagine that you live in TV land? I'll be the first to admit that I go through periods when I'm obsessed with HGTV shows, specifically the craft and home decorating/renovating shows. And somehow, deep in the recesses of my brain, things start to change. I start to imagine myself completing projects in the 2.5 minutes they are completed on HGTV. I start to imagine myself floating around my house with my own sparkly magic fairy wand and presto! A little wall here seperating the laundry room from the kitchen as I've always wanted! Beautiful draping curtains there! A new silky bedspread (never mind that our cats would shred it on it's first day in our house), new hardwood floors in the living room to replace the ratty and poorly installed beige carpet there!

I have to be honest here...I practice "alternate thinking" in more areas of my life than I would like to admit. But one area that is particuarly noticeable is the area of old furniture and other possibilities (or "junk" as my husband says) that I bring home intending to wave my magic wand over. Old chairs are one of my downfalls, mostly wooden ones as I don't have any idea how to re-upholster anything, though I have been known to drag home one or two of the uphostered kind also. Small tables, old picture frames, desks, bookshelves, chairs, chairs and more chairs. I have loaded up my side of the basement and some of our old barn with these little treasures. It's gotten so bad that people will ask me now if I want something before they bring it to the dump! That has to be a bad sign. (sigh)

Anyway, when a friend recently moved out of state, she offered me all sorts of goodies that she didn't want to take with her. One item was this cute little student desk above. I loved it! I've always wanted a little desk to use for bill paying, letter writing, etc. We have a big, huge desk in the living room which the computer is on, but it takes up so much space there is little room left for any type of writing without rearranging everthing on top.

I started the sanding/repainting process about 2 weeks ago. Now for most people, two weeks to finish a project like this isn't maybe so bad. But, of course you can imagine, in my TV land mind-set I was hopping around with my magic wand, wondering what in the world was taking so long. I mean, on Decorating Cents or Freestyle this desk re-do would have taken mere minutes, not hours! Oh, the disappointment of living in the real world.

Regardless, I'm quite pleased with my new little desk and think that new paint and knobs really make it stand out. I chose Toasted Almond for the paint and used a satin finish rather than flat which I prefer on furniture.

So, there you have it. 1 desk down, 483 more projects to complete~now where did I put that wand?

Can It Have Been So Long?

I can't believe it's been since August 28th that I've written! I'm so sorry kids...is anyone still out there? I knew it had been awhile, but I have been in this sort of creative funk. I know, I know. You are saying to yourself "Well, it's just a blog for pitys sake! It's not like she's painting Mona Lisa-esq works of art!" And you would be right. But I'm afraid my funk has reached new levels of, well, funkiness. I haven't spent an ounce of time, not one teeny, tiny minute in my art room. In fact, I think I should stop calling it an art room. Maybe "dropping off point for things that don't belong anywhere else spot" would be more appropriate. My new creative space is in this open area at the top of the stairs and I have to pass through it to get to my bedroom each and every night. But, I usually walk through with the lights off. I mean, I don't really want to see all the unfinished projects. Nothing is inspiring me in there these days, not even my fun little box of found elements, not the pretty bottles of paint, not even the stacks of fabrics with all their different textures and colors.

Ah well, such is the life of the creative person as my oldest sister tells me.

At least, as you can see above, I have not let my dinner table fall into complete disarray. I picked up this book about romantic living by Barbara Taylor Bradford a few weeks ago and it made something inside stir a little. I remember what that feels like! I thought to myself several times when reading chapters on treating oneself to fresh flowers, delicious chocolate and bubble baths. I can remember a time when I was very, very good to myself and my darling husband and would prepare treats like this candlelit dinner, fun surprises and decadent treats just on a whim. Just because it was fun and brought me happiness. That is a kind of creativity I think I can manage right now.

A Change of Heart?

I wonder if, just maybe I'm pushing too hard. I wonder if all this fantasizing about the perfect job, the RIGHT career, is pushing rather than pulling toward what I want? I was sitting at work today thinking about how much of my life I give up worrying/planning/dreaming about the career I'm meant for, the one out there waiting just for me. What could I do with all that time I spend on these fantasies? What would I gain by ridding myself of this obsession?

I would have much more free time. I would feel less like a worrywart and more like a fun human being. I wouldn't worry about how every little idea I have might make me rich and famous, and completely fulfilled. I would spend more time living in the present, and less dreaming about the future; how bright and golden it will be then. How great it will be later. How much fun I will have once this job thing is sorted out.

But what about the negatives? Well, I worry that I would lose all motivation and inspiration. What is the point of trying all these things just for me? Deep down it doesn't feel right, doesn't feel constructive to make pretty things or learn new skills unless they will serve me in some career. What a strange concept! What about the pleasure and joy that learning new things will bring me?

Part of me is absolutely terrified to just let go, even for awhile and see what happens. I'm scared to stop pushing and obsessing and fretting and worrying. It's a huge part of me and I'm not quite sure what I would do without it. But I will try to find out...

Clean and Comfy...

I was just thinking, yet again, how much I love my home and how grateful I am for simple things. I love, love, love slow weekend mornings when I pad around in bare feet in the kitchen, mixing up blueberry muffins or whole wheat waffles. I like to listen to old music, sometimes in French (Edith Piaf is my new love), or old jazz and big band records on my ancient record player. I love to tidy up and get everything all clean and sparkly and then, finally, I feel like I can relax and breathe deeply again. There is something about clutter and things lying around that makes me crazy. I cannot fully relax and let go unless my surroundings are relatively orderly.

I especially love cool mornings when, after cleaning the kitchen and baking something yummy, I can curl up on the couch with a pet or two, spread a fuzzy blanket over us to cuddle up in, and enjoy reading a good book or magazine while sipping my flavored decaf (usually French Vanilla, but sometimes Hazelnut). I run my little water fountain and turn on just the low table lamps and snuggle in. Ahhhh...domestic bliss!